4 Bootleg Items Purchased on the Streets of NYC
cheap canada goose uk Every year, over 40 million tourists flock to New York City. If you are one of these tourists, it’s inevitable that at some point a shady street vendor will try official canada goose outlet to sell you some shit. Maybe it will be something innocent, like a hand drawn picture of Gary Coleman or a custom made caricature of your daughter with inappropriately large breasts. But more often than not, they’ll try to sell you a shady counterfeit version of some high priced name brand product. And when it comes to cheaply made knockoffs, nothing commands quite as much respect as the fabled $10 Rolex. cheap canada goose uk
Canada Goose Online I’ve always been curious about exactly what a $10 version of a $10,000 item would actually look like. So, during a recent trip to New York City, I decided to seek out a fake Rolex of my own. Armed with nothing more than $70 and a lifelong dream canada goose outlet online of fooling people into thinking I’m rich by way of wearing pretend luxury items, I made my way down to Canal Street, the beating heart of the sketchy NYC street vendor universe. For added adventure, I threw on my very best “What do you mean I look like an undercover cop?” ensemble. Canada Goose Online
canada goose coats on sale Upon exiting the subway and stepping out onto Canal Street, I was immediately approached by a dude who wanted to sell me a designer handbag. I brushed off the implied insult in his offer without exploring it further and asked if he could canada goose outlet toronto factory point me to some bootleg DVDs instead. Without a second of hesitation, he turned to the right and yelled out “DVD lady!” in the general canada goose factory outlet direction of an assembled group of women. And just like that, I canada goose outlet store uk was face to face with the DVD canada goose outlet online uk lady. canada goose coats on sale
Correction: I was apparently face to face with the woman who could take me to canada goose outlet parka the DVD lady. That’s her in the above picture. I’m sorry her face is somewhat obscured; blame it on my desire to not be targeted for death by whatever seedy international crime syndicate controls the bootleg DVD trade.
canada goose uk shop Anyway, I was told to follow her for what ended up being about three blocks. Eventually, I was instructed to stand by a van that can only be described as pedophilesque and wait. Nothing unsettling about that! I spent the downtime negotiating with an associate of the DVD lady for knockoff Hermes bracelets, mostly so I’d have a hostage to grab in the what seemed to be very likely event that the van doors flew open and someone snatched canada goose outlet sale me up in hopes of selling me off to a human trafficking ring. canada goose uk shop
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Finally, the DVD lady arrived with a stack of Hollywood hits in tow. And when I say “Hollywood hits,” I don’t mean films that you should legitimately be able to purchase on DVD right now. No, I mean current Hollywood hits, like shit that just hit theaters a few days ago. She was asking $5 each. I managed to haggle her down to two for $5. Savings!
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Canada Goose sale After making her shuffle through the stack of films canada goose outlet canada at least five times, I settled on The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and The Grey. I chose The Grey based solely on that scene in the trailer where Liam Neeson and crew are being stared down by a pack of hungry wolves and, when asked what they should do, Neeson replies, “Stare back at them.” Vintage Neeson badassery right there. Sign me up. Canada Goose sale
Canada Goose Outlet Look, nobody buys a DVD on the street expecting to come away with a retail quality viewing experience. I’m not dumb. I was canada goose outlet anticipating, at best, something resembling canada goose outlet new york city the Zapruder film in terms of quality. Or, at canada goose outlet jackets worst, just a couple of blank discs. Surprisingly, though, things weren’t nearly as horrible as I expected. Of course, the presentation left something to be desired. Just printed sheets of paper that vaguely resemble DVD covers with completely generic DVD Rs inside. Canada Goose Outlet
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cheap Canada Goose But that’s where the similarities between the two discs end. On one end of the spectrum, we have The Grey. As presented on this disc, the film literally starts with Liam Neeson in mid sentence, walking toward a bar. Is that how the movie actually starts? No credits or anything, just a drop in on Neeson while he’s in the middle of completing a thought that the audience never gets to hear the beginning of? cheap Canada Goose
canada goose black friday sale Probably not. But hey, you get what you pay for, and in this case, what I paid for is the result of someone smuggling a piece of shit video camera into a movie and filming the action on the screen without the benefit of an external microphone. The audio sounds like it’s being processed through a Progresso soup can tied to a length of twine, and the video is exactly what I canada goose outlet store imagine the early stages of glaucoma must be like. canada goose black friday sale
canada goose clearance Even at $2.50, it’s a shitty deal. But things take a turn for the better with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Much to my surprise, in terms of both audio and video quality, this shit is THE GOODS! canada goose clearance
buy canada goose jacket For a DVD purchased from the underbelly of the overseas black market, you seriously could not ask for more. For all intents and purposes, this is pretty much what you would get if you bought the DVD at a retail establishment. If I had to guess, I’d say you could chalk this up to the fact that this DVD has a release date that is literally just a few weeks away. That means, somewhere, a legit copy of it goose outlet canada has already been pressed. And through the magic of crime, some enterprising pirate got their hands on one of those copies, burned canada goose outlet several thousand more copies and then sold one of those copies to me for $2.50 on Canal Street. Score! buy canada goose jacket
buy canada goose jacket cheap You’ll note that there are no covert images of the street vendor I dealt with during this transaction. I apologize for that, but there’s a simple explanation. To put it canada goose outlet uk bluntly, this guy was fucking terrifying. My first mistake was making eye contact with this maniac. canada goose black friday sale The moment that happened, he grabbed my wrist and sprayed some sort of fragrance in my palm and then yelled “Thees sells for 90 dollar but I give to you for 45!” Except imagine that sentence as just one long, aggressive, grammatically flawed word. canada goose outlet black friday Unfortunately, my offer was met with nothing but pure, unadulterated rage. I might as well have been asking if he could sell me a cartoon drawing of. never mind. I’m just saying, in some cultures, Justin Bieber cologne is not a commodity that’s treated lightly. But somewhere in the tirade I heard “You take what I spray on you 10 dollar!” Fair enough, Salesman of the Year, bag it up and get me the fuck out of here before the bomb vest goes off. buy canada goose jacket cheap
canada goose store I felt lucky to escape with not only my life but also a bottle of (either stolen or counterfeit) cologne that people with money to burn apparently pay just shy of $100 for. That is, until I got home and Googled exactly what I had purchased. Only assholes who actively canada goose jacket outlet try to impress people by spending more money than they need to would shop at a site with a name like that. As for regular people, you can buy this stink in a bottle on Amazon for less than 10 bucks. And yes, I know this doesn’t fall into that category. It’s not like this is a cheap knockoff of some Gucci brand “Tiger Fighting http://www.mycanadagoosejacket.org a Dragon” T shirt. The fashion houses of the world don’t usually go for shit like this. But you know who does? Me, that’s who. I mean, you do see what’s happening there, right? It’s a tiger. And that tiger is fighting a dragon. Fucking awesome. canada goose store
The canada goose outlet reviews above photo might be hard to decipher, so let me provide some details. What you see there is me (on the left) just moments before my station in life improved drastically. Because right outside the frame of that picture, placed rightfully above those other shirts, is a T shirt with the image of a tiger fighting a dragon on it. Let me repeat that. A tiger fighting a dragon. Who even has the necessary creative juices flowing through them to think up such a magical combination? Certainly not me. Maybe every Chinese artist since canada goose outlet uk sale the dawn of time, but certainly not me. The asking price was two for $13. I didn’t haggle about it. canada goose outlet nyc Why would I disrespect awesome of this nature by bickering over price? I went with the black version, because the only thing better than a T shirt with a tiger fighting a dragon on it is a black T shirt with a tiger fighting a dragon on it. I also chose one in red, because it was the only other color they had in my size. I’m a whole lot of man, people.
Canada Goose online I know it seems as if I’m being lazy by reusing the same image here that I used in the beginning of this entry. But understand, no visual representation I can provide would do this item the justice it rightfully deserves. The only way to experience the magic as it’s meant to be experienced is to have one of these shirts draped over your unworthy torso, just like I do, right now. And listen, I get that the symbol depicted on this shirt is supposed to represent equal opponents. But I don’t adhere to that. Why? Because I know how dragons canada goose outlet shop operate, and this tiger is most certainly fighting an uphill battle against all that a beast like the dragon brings to the table. But it’s totally holding its own, and that’s awesome. Sometimes, when I’m feeling like the world is on the verge of breaking me, I look down at the majestic tiger engaged in combat with the fearsome dragon on my chest, and I get inspired to keep fighting. Fuck yeah, tiger Canada Goose online.